Wednesday, December 08, 2004

I'll rest when I'm dead

I'll rest when I'm dead I suppose. That's how I feel now. It's like I can never just relax. Well I take that back from December 03-November 04. That's all I did. But I wasn't full-filled and felt empty. But now I feel strung out. And somewhat locked down. Knowing that I have to work. I almost feel trapped by it sometimes. I had an anxiety attack last night. I laid down for bed and my heart started racing and thumping so hard that i couldn't relax. I called my dad at 1:00 am and he helped me relax. It's such a vicious cycle. Can't we just go back to the old days and live off the land... Farm and grow our own food. Have cows.... Build our own houses and have no mortgage, Ride a horse and have no car note... (LOL!!!) But then I would miss all the technology and gadgets that i love so much. Oh well. I do thank God that I have a job. But I don't think one minute that's promised to me forever. So many people in my life have lost their jobs and it's been devastating. I know it can happen to anyone. Its sad that in this day and age most everyday people can't survive with just one paycheck. Anyways I am stepping off the soap box now....

:: What's going on in my real world:: I have one more week of school and I will be finished with my 2nd bachelors degree. YEAH! I still have to finish up some work and projects with is probably going to contain all of my weekend if i am smart. But i do need to catch up on some sleep too. I want to scrapbook so bad. But i am gonna wait until the 18th and scrap with my friend Cathy at a store. I am looking forward to that. Even if i don't do but one page i enjoy it. It's almost relaxing once you get going. Also in just 2 weeks i will be going to ATL/AL to visit my family. Should be fun. Me and my mom's favorite thing to do is to get all our stuff (cell phones, house phone, remotes, laptops, snacks) and crawl in her big bed and watch tv and talk and sleep a day a way. We get all our stuff so we don't have to get out of the bed at all. This has become our ritual. Now we don't do this all the time but at-least one afternoon that's what we will do. I love spending that kinda time with her. I am also anxious to see my dad and brother. My dad has been so sweet and supportive to me lately. Well he always is. But i have made a point to call him more regular now and he enjoys talking with me. It's nice to know that I have his unconditional love and support and that i can go him for anything.

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